No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
