On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
