she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
