I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
