it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
