Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
