i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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