So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
