I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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