Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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