His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
