i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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