Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
