I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
