I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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