help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
