i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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