they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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