i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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