so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
