I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
