Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
