im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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