At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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