Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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