My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
