Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
