You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
