Whod you bang
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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