Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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