Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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