Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
