I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
