so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
