who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
