What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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