I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
