I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
