well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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