My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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