he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
