shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
