My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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