I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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