So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
