Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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