Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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