Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
