I got her a Nickelback box set.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
