going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
