just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
