i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
