I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
