My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
